Addressing the ever-shrinking credibility of rock journalism since 2007. With a sasquatch.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

The 2010 NFL: Is It Significantly Dumber In Here?

Apparently, this Is Who Dey is Marketing For.
Apparently, this is the Bengal's "Who Dey" and the Saints "Who Dat" marketing is for: Bobby "A Few Inches Short Of A Foot" Beauchay.

Just for the record, I love football. There are very few sports where statistics and action meet in the same burst of adrenaline and brains. As the work ethic and talent of my Indianapolis Colts 2009 season resulted in a Division/Conference Title and very nearly a second Superbowl ring in just three years I'm a relatively happy camper.

All the self-inflicted gunshots wounds and dog electrocutions aside - what is it with the rest of the NFL today? By that, I mean, the two dumbest slogans in the history of team slogans. The 2010 NFC champion New Orleans Saints sport the slogan "Who Dat?" while the Cincinnati Bengals of the past few years use the equally vocabulary challenged "Who Dey?". Why is Adam Sandler's Waterboy the target audience for one of the greatest sports in American history?

Prince's 2007 redemption
Only three years since Prince was on fire in the pouring rain? Whuh hapen?

Are these awful mottoes geared towards intellectually challenged short-bus riding mental midgets or am I missing something here? How many former players, who are now in management or marketing, while suffering from a series of debilitating IQ crushing concussions actually signed off on these half-asleep, awful mottoes?

In the spirit of Bobby Boo-shay, Lurch Munster and sub-moron IQ's, I'll play along. I'm suggesting a few more simplified slogans for NFL teams targeting the phonetically challenged. The Detriot Lions: "Wha-Wha-Wha Dat?", The Cleveland Browns: "Why Dark? Who Dere?", or how's about The San Francisco 49ers: "Dah, How Dis? Whuh hapen?".

Me is the FNL! Me!
Me is FNL? Me is dat letters? Me is doze? Me is dey FNL?

No-brow kudos to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell for dumbing down an already borderline dumb audience. Being a football fan in 2010 now closely resembles a verbal exercise for elementary school drop-outs, white bread "homies" and the Shannon Sharps of the football loving world - making the power and personal sacrifice of players and coaches rewarded with the vocal fumblings of brain-damaged crack babies. Cheers, dawg!

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