...and one Elfette-On-Elfette Scene to rule them all.
Alright, I'll be the first to admit it. Between tasks I'll occasionally poke around the internet for porn. It happens. I'm a guy. It's what guys do. Maybe girls spend their free time searching the net for prayer manuals from Tibet or thigh high boots (if there is a like minded compassionate deity) but - as a guy I will, from time to time, look at strange boobs on the Internet.
And, apparently, I'm not the only one. According to recent reports pornography makes up 1% of the internet and 8% of all email traffic. Of this oozing mass of porno, at least 85% is total crap. The majority is badly lit shots of cow-eyed blondes chowing down on the same cock/cocks/carpet (or combination of all of the above) with the same amount of interest that they'd have in deciding between the #1 or #5 value meal at White Castle.
They look so mentally checked out. Totally uninvolved. The fact that they are occasionally staring at a video monitor (located off screen) or the camera like a zombie vacantly pondering their reflection doesn't help either.
Come on internet smut peddler! Whassamatter? Did your two days in on-line photography classes teach you nothing about production values?
This stuff is so mind-numbingly boring. Where's the sex and danger that I had paging through purloined Hustlers as an adolescent? Today, I find myself punching in obscure terminology like "smart brunette slut", "nerd chick tits", and even "broccoli milf" in an effort to bypass the mundane, silicone stuffed, bleach blondes that have commandeered porn.
So, while searching at Google Images for strange boobs, because what else is it for, I've exhausted nearly all possible smut-related search terminology in a vain hope that it didn't lead me into a dark, sweaty corner of the information super highway that was entirely populated with burning candles crammed where the sun doesn't shine, fat men on leashes, women in latex masks, or even weirder abuse that masquerades as "sex".
This was all in an effort to find something interesting, untanned, emotionally present, and for lack of a better word: Good. True believers, after a long search, I have found the promised land and have returned to deliver the word.
Imagine that J.R.R. Tolkien spent a Fall night with a demure Xena (yes, as in Warrior Princess) played Warcraft, made out and then dreamed up an adult web site. Impossible you say, ye naysayer? No, my skeptical friend, Whorelore.com is here to save porn for the rest of us. Cute elf on cuter elf action meets a wandering Cymerian woodsman? Check. A green forest nymph* tamed by a savage barbarian before they encounter a horned demoness who resembles a young Bettie Page? Check. All LARP, all the time. Not poorly costumed/naked Flintstones - these chicks are pretty hot.
Not enough, say you? Hmm. Ok, how's about a site that is genuinely fun, sexy, and informative that's not a platform to keep platinum blondes and failed actresses in coke and rental cars? Aredbloodedthing.com is all of this and more. There you will find real stories of the actors, writers and directors in adult entertainment along with some interesting solo galleries of physically gifted women.
Did you know that vapid pop stars Mandy Moore and Brittney Spears have been using veteran porn director Gregory Dark on their music videos? Or that there is a HIV/AIDS quarantine list for infected porn actors? Did you learn that while enjoying the pure physical wonders of perky 23-year-old breasts? Aha. Now, you will actually be able to say you read it for the articles and really mean it.
No sir, these sites are not your brother the mindless frat boy's porn. This is ultra porn - be careful. Like Grampy Media always used to say, "yer gonna go blind ya keep messin' with dat ting, ya bum!". So please, use your ultra porn carefully. If you get too excited repeat to yourself: it's only porno, it's only porno.
You've been warned.
References:
- Whore Lore: The Adventure Begins
- Sex Is A Red Blooded Thing
- Gamerfetish, World of Warcraft
- Bare Maidens, D&D vs. T&A
- IMDB, Gregory Dark
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